Healing My Adrenals Part Two
Getaways have saved my life
As I mentioned in part one, I’m sharing my story, not medical advice. I think each person’s life is so unique that what works for some won’t work for others or might work better at a different time.
For years I’ve sought the feeling you get when you deeply sigh and say to yourself, “Life is good.” That’s been elusive for me because my expectations are high, I seek perfection in myself, nothing is ever good enough, I’ll never be good enough…if you’re here, you may know that self talk very well.
To battle the anxiety and crawl back to something near contentment, I tried all kinds of things, some I’ve kept, some I’ve tossed. I’m ready to learn more so as the life seasons roll on, I can stay on top of my anxiety. It’s a long list-but my anxiety has been long…
High quality CBD oil. My friend Renee Lawson at True Health and Fitness introduced me to CBD oil during our week long bike ride across Iowa. I was so nervous before each day’s start that I couldn’t fuel-I think I got two bites in on the first morning and this is not like me. I was calmer within 20 minutes.
Ashwaganda. I can’t say this helped or not for sure. At one point I felt like it made my anxiety worse so I discontinued it. I’m back on it now though and feeling good.
Saint John’s Wort. Weird name but it helped some, too. Until I ended up with the strangest sunburn. I’d not noticed the small print about avoiding sun exposure. Oops. Since I planned to continue to ride bikes (in the sun, duh), I stopped it.
Writing down all the nice things people say about me, especially related to career stuff. Honestly, I have a huge box of notes from clients. They mean a lot to me when I read them but I tend to dismiss the sentiments as just things they’d say to any midwife. They love midwifery care, not me, they just don't know that. What really helped was capturing the things colleagues said. I have a few phrases from friends in the birth world that I play over and over. “I’m going to make a midwife or OB out of you yet” has been a lifesaver.
Scripture, scripture, scripture. I’ve been in the Word daily (or almost, sometimes I do miss a day and have to catch up) consistently for a couple of years now. It’s posted to my walls, on my closet door so I can see it as I pull on my scrubs, on my phone…
Asheritah’s Bible Studies. This girl is wise and her studies soothe my soul.
Prayer. So much prayer.
Marco Polo group with my aunts. Okay so I am sure they’d support you, too, but this one is more personal. During the time of the trauma therapy and break from midwifery, a couple of my dad’s sisters offered to listen to my struggles. We started a Marco Polo chat and they still support me there now, months later.
Friends who’ll tell you the truth and give you a vision. My friends Martha (doula) and Sabrina (midwife) keep me straight on the lies I tell myself, the thoughts I believe and the action I need to take. Mike, the OB who made a midwife out of me reminds me birth needs to be fun. Looking for the fun has dramatically changed my feelings at birth. He’s far away but tells me to keep him in the loop. Ryan, my OB friend in Wichita Falls, checks on me regularly, lets me ask him advice, prays for me and shares scripture. Lean into the people who offer their support. Despite what we tell ourselves, especially those of us who have strong trauma responses, we canNOT do this by ourselves.
I prayed for a strong midwifery team. God gave me Patty and her students. We share the same philosophy on birth, business, and family. We are transparent with each other. Our foundational value we share is to never leave the other one hanging. We will never be alone. Our team of students follows this philosophy too. We are midwifery partners at heart. This is one of the best balms for my anxiety.
Find a student who adores you. Seriously. Though I can’t be a NARM preceptor yet, the trainer at Birth Emergencies Skills Training assured me there are students who just want to learn and that see the value of pure teaching with no checkoffs. They were right and my student has boosted my confidence. If she sees I have valuable knowledge then I must, right? I adore her and the other students in my life. Teaching removes me from a stance of fear and puts me in charge of knowing how to be equipped for emergencies.
I attended two very strong trainings-the one mentioned above and the excellent Breech Without Borders training. Bringing the info home to teach at our staff meetings means I have to master it. Again, I’m replacing fear with power.
I have stronger boundaries than ever. Clinic on Mondays with possible overflow to Wednesdays. I only do work on the weekends if necessary or I want to. I am home schooling Tue-Fri until about 2pm. All non-urgent matters can wait. Want to have lunch? Honestly it’s not my favorite activity so I’m downsizing my meet-ups and will coordinate them with my work schedule/location. Oh and turn off read receipts. I have less pressure to respond if you don’t know I’ve read it.
I’m getting back outside. We have wild hogs in the area and new neighbors with loose dogs who hate cyclists so I’ve been afraid to walk or ride much. I’m back to daily walks outside with plans to ride more soon. I had to take a phone call from a doula needing a consult about a transport today but otherwise I try to keep my nature time focused on nature.
Seeking Health adrenal support supplement. I’ve not been on it but a couple of weeks but I’m happy with how I’m feeling so I’ll call it a success. My recent blood work shows low vitamin D and a possible overactive thyroid so I’m on D and I’m crying that I’m not skinny, lol. But if the weight is sticking around in spite of my thyroid being amped up, then my (self diagnosed) issue is probably high cortisol levels. I’m hoping this supplement will help balance that out.
I’m planning time away. As a doula, I was essentially on call for about 10 years. Seriously, our Christmas wreath that holds an ornament representing each year’s biggest event has about ten years missing because we never left town. My new contract for clients includes a provision for me to leave town occasionally, trusting their care to a solid midwife friend (thank you Patty and Rebekah!). I booked an early December cabin trip for Shane and me yesterday and I’m on cloud nine knowing I get to turn my phone off, take walks in the brisk, cool weather along a lake, curl up with a book, and enjoy the fire pit with my guy. I enjoy the anticipation of these few days away as much as the actual time way. It’s so very good for me.
I’ve never been as busy as everyone thinks but now I’m even less busy. It’s partly just the season of our lives but it’s also on purpose that I don’t add a lot to my routine. I despise the idol of busyness and refuse to succumb to it.
I avoid drama where I can. It steals emotional energy. Usually this is on social media, so I’ve been more self discipled to stay off facebook and when I am tempted to join a conversation that I know is ripe for drama, I (usually) scroll on by. My mantra is this: It’s very rare to change someones mind on social media so don’t waste your time.
A slow midwifery practice. Patty and I agreed to no more than 5-6 births at the birth center per month. We are taking an April sabbatical-no babies due at all for weeks next spring. There are other midwives to serve the overflow; we don’t have to be everyone’s midwife.
NORA tea, whole foods, lots of water, and kombucha. These things are healing for me physically and mentally.
We bought a new mattress and it’s heaven. Seriously the best $1500 I’ve spent in my entire life. I sleep well and relax well. I may or may not occasionally office from my bed.
Self care-not selfish care. This is a whole ‘nother post but I hate the self love message. I am not good at articulating it but I know there is a true self care route and there’s a route that causes us to focus too much on our own needs/wants, which can lead to us justifying neglecting our motherly responsibilities in favor of shallow and fruitless indulging. For me, having some reasonable means of escape from my serious brain is imperative. My walks/runs/rides, my hammock, historical fiction books, a puzzle every winter, Epsom salt baths, non-toxic candles, playing with decor in my house, and a go-to TV series (currently Chicago Fire until This is Us and The Good Doctor come back on) help me turn off my over thinking, task checking, driven brain.
I try to go to sleep between 10-11pm. My mom said I was all business about my sleep as a child and I think it’s still true. All non-sleep activities must be complete by 11pm when I’m on call or I’m out. :)
Dave Ramsey. Yep, getting out of debt (almost there!) has eased so much stress. I can’t pound this home enough. Knowing you have an emergency fund to cover Murphy and his stupid law does wonders to your cortisol levels. Now we’re counting down until we can build our forever home. And because we did a lot of relationship work, I have hope we won’t kill each other doing it. Find Financial Peace University Group and join a facebook group to keep you on track.
Be prepared for what stresses you. I have been working on two weeks of food storage, per the new emergency preparedness guidelines. I also am working on a month’s worth of medical supplies and toiletries. Shane & I discuss the way we’ll set up our future house so we don’t freeze again like we did this last winter.
Don’t focus on what stresses you, especially if you can’t fix it. I won’t let Shane talk about the politics that stress me out. I learn enough to pray well about it but I can’t dwell there or I’ll spiral fast.
Order your day well. I know I’m OCD about things but it lowers your stress tremendously to know where your scrubs are (are they even clean?) for your 2am call out to a birth. My socks are tucked in my shoes, my bag is ready, my scrubs are hanging in my closet (then washed quickly once I’m home so it’s all set back up again). I have food stashed at work for when we’re doing an all nighter. I have food planned for the kids at home. Menu plans save our lives. My calendar has to stay updated. Use your crockpot on busy days.
When your order falls apart, be okay with it. I refuse to put my kids’ laundry away so it sits on my couch longer than you will ever imagine. I gripe about it and they don’t really listen. I keep my areas decluttered so I may hide out in my amazing bed and dream of when they move out. It’s okay. Perfection is the enemy.
My next steps: consider adding magnesium to my regimen. Hiring an assistant when I need to. Reducing my coffee intake. I drink two mugs (like 3-4c) each morning and I’d like to get down to one mug…goals take time though, right?