“I need an Ob/gyn.”
This is a question I see daily on social media. It’s great to ask for the advice of others before going under the care of a provider you don’t know much about. Could I suggest some ways to ask the question that will get you a better answer?
First, some backstory:
When I was a doula in a different town, the number one answer to this question was an OB that had a charming bedside manner but otherwise had a list of concerns:
-Hated natural birth
-Lied to patients about loving natural birth
-Called his patient’s “Girl” because he couldn’t remember their names, as in “Girl! You’re in the right place if you want a natural birth!”
-There were all kinds of rumors about affairs, public intoxication, sexually nuanced breast exams…
-Told patients they needed a planned C-section when they reached their due date but baby hadn’t engaged yet (100% not a reason for a C-section)
-Wouldn’t answer a patient’s questions—as she was crowning—because he disagreed with her birth position.
Yes! This guy was the main OB recommended by the moms in the community because he was nice to them and called them “Girl”. So how can you avoid getting this guy? Well that was a different town and thankfully he’s moved out of state so you’re okay there, but there are better questions to ask to get the right provider for you.
First, consider what you need.
Are you done having kids and just need a regular checkup? Your family doctor is fully equipped for this, you don’t need a specialist. If you prefer a GYN, anyone can do a Pap test, so just pick one.
Are you planning to have children and want to build a relationship with the OB? Then you need to think more about what kind of birth you want. Remember, OBs are mostly trained in medicalized birth, meaning they tend to use a lot of interventions and most aren’t sure what to do with a woman considering a natural birth. Are you considering a vaginal birth after a C-section? There are providers who hate them, tolerate them, and love them. Most OBs are taught that VBACs are dangerous and C-sections are safer (not accurate). It’s a rare OB who likes VBACs, so shop wisely.
Then there’s personality. Do you need a gentle approach or a no-nonsense approach? As of right now, the two local providers I know of are very different personality-wise. Another one is practicing who is too new to know and a nurse midwife is coming who has a sweet bedside manner. There is a good fit for everyone but my pick may not be a good pick for you.
When you just ask, “Who is a good Ob/gyn?” and you get an answer, you don’t know WHY that person liked their provider. Do they LOVE a provider who is going to tell them exactly what to do but you want a provider who will give you options and let you decide? Well then you won’t like their provider. Did their favorite provider give them the most amazing (unnecessary) C-section but you want to avoid a C-section if you can? Then you’re not a good fit. Do you need someone to tell you the hard truth about your bad habits and not let you get away with excuses? Then the doctor who is more gentle with their recommendations might not help you. See, there’s just too much not being said.
So try asking, “I really want a doctor who is fine with ____________” for my birth which I hope is going to be [fill in the blank-natural? an epidural?]. Then you’ll get a little closer.
Shameless plug: If you’re wanting an unmedicated birth, a VBAC, if you want to be the leader of your care, given all your options in both prenatal and postpartum decisions and birth, if you want care driven by the latest evidence (i.e. eating in labor, delayed cord clamping, and much more) then consider a midwife. If you want that without any fight whatsoever by anyone on staff, then try a community based midwife (i.e. home birth midwife).
