Seven Reasons I’m Not the Midwife for You

Are we the best fit? Read below to find out

When I was a young mom figuring out homeschool curriculum, I found an article by what would become our favorite curriculum company. It was something like 21 Reasons Sonlight Isn’t for You. A rather bold title for an article put in their own catalog. 

That article did more to form my homeschool philosophy than any book I read in those early years. It really made me think about what I wanted as my end goal. The points they made were things like, “You want your child sheltered from the evils of the world instead of having the hard conversations while they’re still young and under your care.” Yikes! Yes I want to be the filter in which my kids learn about the world, so no, I don’t want to shelter them from all knowledge of the world! Another one was, “You prefer to set up your school just like a school room instead of making learning something you do as you live life, creating life long learners.” I am passionate about life long learning, so of course I didn’t want to replicate a stuffy school room. 

I hope you can see my heart in discussing birth the same way. Some of you may be giving birth for the first time and have never needed to think through a birth philosophy. Others of you may have it firm in your head exactly what you want. Many of you will be in the process of defining  your philosophy as you experience your own births. May this article help firm up your philosophy. If you learn along the way that we differ greatly in philosophy, you’ll know I may not be the midwife for you-which is okay, there’s a midwife for every woman-I might even be able to direct you to a better fit. 

Below are the reasons I may not be the midwife for you: 

1.You feel you need an OB and a midwife for your care. The reality is, a midwife can assess your health and risk level without an OB’s assistance. If we do need help from another provider, we’ll send you, but this isn’t terribly common. Each of us are qualified to take care of women in low risk pregnancies but we practice differently. Neither of us want to “share” you with another provider because then we feel like you don’t trust us. Trust is an important part of your care.

2. You believe hiring a midwife is a lucky rabbit’s foot. This is a tricky one and you may not even know you’re thinking this way, but I’ve seen it so often over the years. Women read that a doula or a midwife (two very different things, but this same point applies to both) reduces their chances of a C-section, a traumatic birth, and increases their chances of a satisfying birth. Wisely, she hires a birth team that checks that box. Unwisely, she stops there. It’s not the hiring of a midwife that helps, it’s partnering together with her in trust, which means taking her suggestions seriously. Our care is so different than an OBs, we want you engaged and owning your care, not just hiring us and crossing your fingers. 

3. You don’t plan to eat well. After all, pregnancy is all about eating for two! It’s the time to splurge! This mindset can lead to risking out of our care as it raises your risk for complications. If you don’t plan to do the self disciplined work of having a great diet, we may not be a good fit. 

4. You don’t plan to exercise. People have all kinds of excuses, ahem, reasons, for not exercising: it’s too hot, they’re too busy, they can’t afford the gym, they’d have to go alone, they have younger children to care for…the  list goes on. It can be hard to find solutions to the obstacles, that’s true. But the only way to build endurance for labor is by exercising during pregnancy. It can make the difference between transferring to the hospital or having the strength to stick it out over a long birth. It’s a big deal. 

5. You’re opposed to seeing a chiropractor. Chiropractic care is proven to reduce the pain in labor and the duration of labor. That’s because it helps your baby be in an optimal fetal position (i.e. not sunny side up which can be very painful and especially for first time moms may result in the need for an epidural and possibly a C-section). If you like your stance and prefer a long, hard labor, please don’t see the chiropractor but please do use another midwife. Is that too harsh? Maybe so but it comes from over a decade in birth work in which I’ve consistently seen long labors associated with no chiropractic care. It’s hard on you, your support team, and your midwife, who needs to stay fresh and alert for your care, not be up for 2-3 days, which is what a baby in this position can lead to. 

6. You can’t/won’t/don’t want to take charge of your birth space. If you feel strongly that you must have friends and family in your birth that do not agree with community based birth, you’re agreeing to their attitudes challenging your mental state in labor. I’ve seen transports for this reason alone-the guests were unsupportive and labor just couldn’t get underway well with that stress. You only get one birth of this baby. Don’t feel you have to make it a family event if it’s not what’s best for you. If you see no other option, it may be in your best interest to utilize the hospital so that you can easily receive the needed interventions that may come with too many onlookers or onlookers who aren’t on the same page as you. Oh and another part of this is hoping your spouse or partner is won over by your plans to birth with a midwife. Partners need to be on board well before the birth-hopefully by the first visit. 

7. You think by doing all of these things “right” that you will get your community based birth. Sadly, I wish I could believe this one with you, but sometimes babies just need to be born in the hospital. Sometimes you see the chiropractor routinely and still end up with a baby in mal-position. Sometimes you eat a stellar diet and still receive a Gestational Diabetes diagnosis. We try all of the above things-and more-but ultimately we do what your body and the baby need. We can’t guarantee a birth center or home birth, but we can promise respectful care and support no matter what happens. You can know you did all you could, which is key to your feelings about your birth. 

So if you’ve read through all these and have questions, please talk to me. I can explain more in a conversation than I can in a blog post. 

If my philosophy resonates with you and you’d like to start care with me, reach out. You can use the contact form on this website, email me at wendyfowlermidwife@gmail.com or call me at 940-366-5982. If you plan use me and give birth at Kueo Birth Center, it’s easiest if you reach out to me directly.